My Glue
by HoloDragon
Summary: Shizuo says he'll be late tonight, if only Izaya had let his pride go, he wouldn't be thinking so much on what a client had to say. It's a night of reflection as Izaya looks at his life and his relationship with the strongest man in Ikebukuro. Mentions of cutting and what not, Yaoi, Established relationship. Oneshot.


**I know it's been forever, I'm still alive! I know this is a short one, I just can't seem to write anything anymore that I'm happy with. If anyone has any suggestions for how to deal with writers block and such, that would be great, cause I'm really struggling. But anyways, here is my short little take on what things could be like for Izaya. I know it's OOC.**

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"You're a monster! It's no wonder no one will ever love you! How dare you even think for a second that I wanted to know this?!" She screams loudly.

I roll my eyes, "You asked for information about your son. I gave you the information, he's seeing a boy his age from his class. You wanted to know what he was sneaking out for, well now you know. I did what you requested." She looks at me and then slaps me across the face with no warning. I can't say I wasn't expecting it, but I was at the same time. My cheek stings from the contact, but I shake my head in annoyance, "At least he isn't in a gang."

"I think I'd prefer it if he did!" She gathers her purse and then stares at me from across the desk, "You should really just eat shit and die, Izaya Orihara, not a single person would miss you, I'd be surprised if anyone would even hold a funeral for you. You really should stop what you're doing and just become a fucking heap of ashes. I hope you burn in hell. My son, gay, are you fucking kidding me. You worthless scum."

I don't say anything, I simply watch her walk out of my office. My sigh falls on a deaf room. I love having no self confidence, it really is great. I think I allow the words to wash over me for quite some time, just staring at the small grain pattern on my dark colored desk. I'm not sure when my phone rings, but I answer it and hold it to my ear, "Yes?"

"Izaya." A deep voice says, filling my entire being with life again, "I'm going to be home late tonight."

I really want to tell him to come home right now, that I need him. My pride catches the plea in my throat though and instead a choked out, "Okay." Is all I manage.

"Okay. I love you." He says quietly.

"I love you too." I then hang up the phone because tears are running down my face before I can manage to keep it together. I close my eyes and allow the pain to wash over me. Someone loves me. He just called me over the phone. He's there when no one else really is. I sigh heavily and sink into the weight of my own being once again.

It's then that I realize I need to eat something, shower, and just call it a night. That would be better than sitting around wallowing in a few harsh words a woman said to me. After Shizuo and I got together, he made me go see therapists, and specialists, and all sorts of other shit. Basically he wants me to be better, but it's been a rocky road, and he knows that. I also let my pride get in my way quite a bit. Like right now, not allowing myself comfort because of my pride, even though I probably needed him more than whoever is making him late. I don't need to be selfish about him either, or others will start to get suspicious, and others deserve his attention too. The shit I did in the past didn't ever bother me until someone got hurt or almost got hurt.

Like Shinra back in middle school, I was actually upset for a moment when he was stabbed because of me. No one had ever tried to stand up for me before, it broke me and to disguise it, I made some sick remarks about it and asked him to treat it like it was I who stabbed him. Truth is, it freaked me out.

Hot water runs down my back and I bow my head and step back so it will run over my head. I hated to admit it, but I really do need Shizuo in my life, it was him who kept me from going any further than I already had. The markings on my arms were enough for him to intervene. If everyone had just kept their mouth shut when I did something shitty, maybe I wouldn't be here. Maybe I wouldn't have scars on my arms. They were the true form of my conscious that I always tried to forget, and then Shizuo made me stop. Stop trying to forget, face my problems head on. Stop running from my humanity and maybe I'd obtain what I really need. "Flea! Stop fucking with people, love me, lean on me, stop this bullshit! The guilt is eating you alive! Look at your fucking arms." His voice alone was enough to make me stop. He was so scared, and the blood running down my arm wasn't helping matters. I'd forced myself to believe I was a monster. That chasing after Shizuo and killing him would make me somehow human, but that wasn't the case was it?

Turns out, he was my glue, my rock, my saving grace, my partner, my monster, my humanity.

"God I'm fucked up." I say to the empty bathroom. "And I didn't even know it until him."

* * *

I feel Shizuo sink into bed beside me, it doesn't make me feel any better, but it does help. He added weight was a small comfort if anything. An arm is draped over my waist and pulls me snug against him, "Hm… Hi."

I smile despite not wanting to and I turn so I can face him, "You're home late, I expected late but not this late."

"Drinking, with Tom."

I can now smell the saki on his breath, it's not overpowering, but it isn't great. My nose curls slightly, "Ugh, nasty… Did you brush your teeth?"

"Yes, I brushed my teeth you little brat." He slightly slurs.

I close my eyes and stick my nose to his collar instead, it smells of a cheap bar, his soap, and the light scent of his cigarettes. My eyes close automatically with the familiar scent. He sticks his nose to my hair. "Did Tom want something?"

"He wanted to talk, he's concerned."

"About?" I push and nudge him slightly as his voice drops an octave, and not in the I'm about to make you feel good way, in the I'm falling asleep without finishing my conservation way.

He sighs heavily and his voice starts to sound almost more gravelly than it already is. "About you and about me, he's worried that if something happens, I'll lose it, you'll lose it, it just won't be good."

"What kind of something happening?"

He makes and irritated moan, "Can we please talk about this tomorrow?"

"No. I wanna talk about it now." I insist and sit up, nudging his chin from the top of my head as I do so. "He's the only one who knows about us."

Shizuo groans loudly and rolls onto his back to look up at me. "He's just concerned that if you die, or leave, or get hurt, or something like that, that I'll lose it. Tom thinks I'll start a fucking war or I'll just chase after your grave, or kill any bastard that dare lay a hand on you."

I blink in the dark, wondering if he truly means everything he says. "You'd do that?"

He looks confused and two blond eyebrows come together in wrinkles, "Which part?"

"All of it."

He smiles that warm smile, I think he reserves it just for moments like this. "Of course I'd

fucking do it." I roll my eyes and slump back down against the mattress purposefully hitting him on the way back. I hear him groan which causes a smirk to form, "Oi, flea."

I tilt my head back so I can see him properly, "Hm?"

He captures my lips in a kiss that leaves me feeling comfortable inside. Like everything

in the world is supposed to be exactly the way it is. When he pulls away I'm blushing like an idiot. "You bastard." I turn my face away.

Shizu-chan laughs and nuzzles the side of my neck. "I'm drunk give me a break… And you still blush after a year of me shoving-"

"SHUT UP!" I snap and shove a pillow over his face, "You perv!"

He pulls the pillow away and laughs harder, "You're the loud one!"

I smack him with the pillow anyways as hard as I can while he laughs. "Shitty Shizu-chan! You're just an ass! Monster!"

When I finally settle down I'm pouting, "Hey Izaya?"

I roll my eyes and look over at him, "What?"

He's smiling like an idiot and it makes me want to smile too, "I hate you."

I throw myself back down onto his chest, "It can't be helped,I hate you too."

My ear is laying against the strong thumping of his heart. It sets me up for sleep almost instantly. "Goodnight Izaya."

"Night Shizu-chan. Oh… I'll never leave you okay?" I mumble into his shoulder as he wraps his arms around me.

He chuckles lightly and kisses my forehead. "I'll hold you to that, cause you know my dumbass isn't going anywhere."

I feel stupid but I say it anyways, "Together, forever."

"Together." He agrees before we both drift off to sleep.

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 **Ugh, I'm not sure if I'm completely happy with this one either, but I need to post something, so here we are. Please leave reviews with some helpful criticism and tips for how to work past writers block! That would be so fantastic! Thank you so much!**


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